Private messages
Joined: 26 Jun 2006
Location: BC
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject: Private messages | |
| This has come up and I feel one way about this, while others do not. So I want to know how do members feel about private messages? _________________ Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. – Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Forum Moderator
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Location: new york
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:03 pm Post subject: | |
| Hi Corinna,
I think generally PM's should remain private but there are exceptions. One of them being if you are not sure the PMer is for real ie sincere and not a scammer. If you are in doubt and worried about the veracity of the PMer it is OK to PM a moderator or member you trust. If the PMer is not nice or unscrupulous, I think it is a good idea to broadcast his/her PM as a warning to other potential victims. In Kristina's case, she was new to the Forum and I don't think she did anything wrong. No one was hurt and she was just trying to get to the truth. Lobster has nothing to be embarrassed about. Best wishes, Melissa |
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Joined: 26 Jun 2006
Location: BC
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:07 pm Post subject: | |
| Thank you Melissa.
This poll is inspired by the situation for sure. Many have spoken up that it is okay to broadcast a PM, so I am undertaking a consensus. Best regards, Corinna _________________ Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. – Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Forum Moderator
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Location: new york
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:28 pm Post subject: | |
| I do think a PM is just that...private. I believe that they should be kept so with the exception of the situations I listed above. I certainly do see both sides of this situation.
Thanks for the poll Corinna! Best wishes, Melissa |
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Forum Moderator
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Location: Dorset, UK
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: | |
| Uh not sure what I have missed as I have no idea about what you are talking about.
I was going to say something similar to melissa. Each case if different but I sort of go by the following: okay if you have asked permission to publish okay if it is important enough to warrant breach of privacy. Abusive/spammers bring it to attention of a moderator. sorry brain a bit frazzled at the moment. Sarah |
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Forum Moderator
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
Location: Dorset, UK
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:38 pm Post subject: | |
| Oh okay I see the thread. | |
Forum Moderator
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Location: new york
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:41 pm Post subject: | |
I was about to PM you  LOL |
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Joined: 26 Jun 2006
Location: BC
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:45 pm Post subject: | |
Cheeky girl!  _________________ Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. – Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: | |
| In the past PM's have caused some problems, myself I do not use them much, most of what I want to say I can say in open forum.
They are very good for discussing things like advising someone on how to contact a particular organisation or give travel directions, and, of course, if you build a friendship and want to chat. I am a big boy, so it would not worry me in the least if I got an unexpected PM that I did not understand or for no reason, I might answer it, or not, it would be no big deal, but I have been here a long time. However if someone is new and maybe a bit unsure I see no problem in asking a moderator, there has to be a way that newbies can ask about these things if they are worried. I see no difference between a PM and a phone call, if someone tells me something on the phone and does not say it is absolutely confidential and I am not bound by any special privacy clause I do not see any harm in mentioning it to someone else, we are not talking about life and death situations! |
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Forum Moderator
Joined: 08 Jan 2007
Location: new york
| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:26 pm Post subject: | |
| I will add that I find it most helpful when people post to the whole group. That's the way we learn new ideas, treatments, successes and failures. Sharing and learning from other people's experiences is what this forum is all about.
But, as I wrote before, in certain matters it can be daunting to post to the whole group especially if you feel you will not be well received. I just wish everyone felt safe here because only in a truly safe environment can people feel free to voice their opinions and ideas. And one of those might just be the genius idea we need! Best wishes, Melissa |
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:16 am Post subject: | |
| The main thing is to recognise that there are (as in life in general) big differences between the different people who post here!
I am older, have had rosacea a long time, and want to exchange ideas, keep abreast of new developments etc etc. I know, however some people come to this forum because they are pretty scared, and are looking for a lifeline as they come to terms with this disease which can be pretty shocking if you are young. We need to make their passage here as easy as possible. This might include having someone to turn to if in doubt about something. Apart from the obvious rules about marketing, solicitation, personal attacks and defamation, and bad language, which must be strictly enforced, everything else could be fairly flexible. Myself, I have never had a PM were I could not immediately see why the sender chose to PM me, which shows in general the PM system works. |
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Joined: 26 Jun 2006
Location: BC
| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:00 pm Post subject: | |
| And yet there are some of us who practice a different decorum, a discretion if you may, where private is private.
The issue here is regarding attitude toward a private message -- so that fellow members have an idea of what to expect. I don't think age has much to do with that. _________________ Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. – Eleanor Roosevelt |
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 5:57 pm Post subject: | |
| But then you are presuming that everyone who comes on the forum knows exactly what a PM is and means, and all the rules concerning it.I know it means private message, however where we differ, I still think of a PM as being a good way of dealing with "individual specific" info that does not need to clog up the board.
Whereas you, quite clearly, see it as really private confidential matters. You are probably right, I suppose my point of view comes because I would never discuss anything really private here, nor in a PM, I suppose that is what I meant by age, I am just not very sensitive about this privacy things, because I would never disclose anything truly private or important with anybody here. That is why I think your poll is a good idea and have voted in it, maybe at the end a decision could be taken to follow the line of the majority view expressed in the results of the poll. Maybe I have lived a sheltered life, as all of the PM'S I have ever received have been requesting more info on a point I have raised in open forum and was info I would have gladly given to everybody, nor would it have been very private to the recipient, however I suppose sometimes people may say something confidential, and there are more serious PM's. |
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject: | |
| Now I have just looked at the other section of the board, and I see that, in a new post addressed to Kristina, Jen has more or less answered the whole question by saying if in doubt contact the administrator or a mod.
I could go along with this. |
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Joined: 12 Jun 2005
| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:14 pm Post subject: | |
| I treat a a private message as I would a conversation with another.
If I am explicitly told to tell no one else I will not do so. If I am not told to tell no one else but feel the matter delicate or genuinely compromising I will not share it with others. Everything else I would happily share with chosen others by PM (ie conversation)..eg 'Hey X, Y has just sent me a very odd PM... I always said he was a nutcase etc etc ' Gossip-whore that I am...  |
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